Lack, Loss, Ailing? Hug this:

How our bodies and our minds speak to one other is fascinating and very revealing. You and I aren’t ailing because we pulled a muscle, slept wrong, or did not cover our heads when it was cold out. Our bodies are trying to tell us something – are we truly listening? I thought I was in control of it all, and let me tell you first hand that I try super hard and I’m sure you do too. I’m a researcher until I get an answer that makes total sense – then I try it out completely. It turns out that I may be way more stubborn in the listening department than I’d like to believe. I just found out that doing all the right things and missing the one element of “coping” will rear it’s ugly head as a strange ailment or far worse – a diagnosis we are scared to even think about. I had to share this right away. Yes they are connected in both directions effecting every single aspect of us. Are you willing to try consider my method with me before we are in full denial? Pictured above is of the base of the bok choy I bought at the market this weekend when I thought at first, maybe I just am not eating “enough healing foods…” Read on.

I am in need of healing. I want to share with you what I only just recently discovered about how to best cope with these feelings and how to prepare for only the best you deserve for yourself and myself before it gets uglier. And…it goes way beyond healing foods. I recently learned about “virus” ailing, and root cause. You need to address the healing foods, the movements, and the emotions equally. I was just powering through all the “loss” or lack I felt. I was”zennified” and practicing mind control, and all the right foods. Researched like a champ (because that’s what I do.) Exercised as if I was going to battle. I developed all the right habits, rituals, mindsets, exercises, and behaviors. The ailments got better, in fact went a way (for a while.) But they just came screeching back and now taking on new forms. What happened? What did I miss? Now what? Well apparently I was not mourning the “losses” I was powering through all along. Once I rewire myself to actually feel loss, process it, and see it for the new beginning it really is- am I ever going to  heal. I am writing this because I myself am in a big healing process, and realize that I have to process it all before I “just look forward and Warrior-on.” Let’s promise one another to be better at processing so that we may move on in the best way – completely. How can I be best available to others and have wonderful relationships if I am not yet fully available to myself?! I’m learning, I’m learning, I’m learning. Learn with me:

Here’s my checklist that helps me feel Joy even while still “on an ongoing healing journey:”

  • It is a loss, and allow myself to mourn.
    • Holding in pain will creep up elsewhere and manifest in my body that no medicine will fix (hello!)
  • Do this while trusting my own inner Wisdom:
    • When loss is not in my control:
      • See loss as a “season” which came to an end, and this is how the universe ultimately makes room for a new beginning that’s already in progress (an area we can’t control)
      • Have More Gratitude for this situation or person or whatever change – which is part of your big design to ultimately bring you here & now.
      • Send them or it Light & Love to the cause, and still allow yourself to be angry (Forgiveness) and learn why you are angry so it can be pin pointed.
      • Am I  angry because whatever it is that happened crossed a lot of boundaries? or values? Was I comfortable and all of the sudden there is change? This is a good thing – anger helps you recognize what you stand for. It’s healthy. How do you cope with the anger so it’s not so destructive is the Key. (keep reading)
    • If Loss was my decision – I see it as a Necessary Ending (see Dr. Henry Cloud) and that I have chosen well and now I  will “Never Look Back” and move forward with my good decision to make room in my life for the best that’s aligned with my values, truths, and fulfillment (see Kent Julian.)
    • Patience that “Me” by design needs to go through whatever it is I am going through to learn and to be patient, to only be in control of that which I am only able to be in control of! (Letting go of control)
    • Anger – write letters (and never send them) Allow time to express anger (role play with someone I trust) so that I can have “closure.”
    • Closure will not always come in the form of making “amends” with the person or place. That will carry more anger! Your mind will carry it with you and so will your body – forever unless you process this. Create closure in a safe, healthy, and positive way. That you can control. Meditate then on seeing that ending in a positive way if I could not have it actually happen the way I thought. Closure is a powerful Visualization that must happen and I control my vision.
    • Moving on – takes time.  You know your body, and your self very well – don’t let yourself get into replacements or finding the quick fix. The more you see this as a real Season, and approach all in this manner time will pass quicker.
    • Look around you  and think in your mind: what are those people and places and situations that make you feel good? Get them at the beginning and Ending of your day to work this way no matter what you do. If you can’t physically be there, get there in your mind.
    • Do you know someone who you really want to hug? Trust yourself, you can find at least one person. Just HUG THEM and you will not only heal yourself, you will also heal them. (that’s an amazing win-win.) Healing touch, especially when faced with the loss of a lover needs to be found. You know the world changes when you hold someone’s hand whom excites you – you feel the energy transferred back and fourth…. Hugs can be just as beautiful.

And now I end with this most important part – Getting our mind and body connected and feeling good starts with this important writing practice I’ve put into place:


  • Everything you have this minute in your life that you are grateful for – be it small or large- Write it. Type it. Don’t cut the list short – try to think of everything and keep writing. Or a person. Write everything you Like about this person. And yourself. Write everything you are so proud of. Only the good stuff. Write it down every morning, and night.Writing reaches your mind more than just saying it to yourself. Do both – Trust me.
  • Rest, Eat well, and take it easy on yourself! Nurture yourself during this time instead of becoming a Warrior. That cortisol hormone will escalate super high during this time, and you must be focused on resting and nurturing so you can heal and bring those levels down. I say this only because I too became a Warrior during my tough times, and found I had some battle scars that I did not let heal. Cortisol took over. There is no honor in “toughing it through.” It is no longer good practice  to “shake it off.” I got your back on this one, it’s a biggie so keep reading. Your adrenals are acting up, or not acting up enough – and the stress you are feeling is trying to make a home in your body.

I promise you, if you are in this place, you are not alone. I too am going through this. I switch off from “me” to “you” to keep it balanced in my writing as you notice – no mistake there. You will become stronger just by going through this tough time as will I. I write this as a letter to myself, as well as to you whomever you are. I am finding this feeling is all around me, and to know that I am not alone makes me feel a little more sane. I need to know that I am not alone, and I am proud to say that I am not a lonely person yet I do know that I genuinely do need the positive support of others, human touch, and a healthy body mind relationship so that I too may heal. It’s part of my makeup. And I’m so darn tough that I sometimes just need a shoulder to  cry on, and not be judged. It’s part of my healing and I will not stop it any longer. Pets are good for healing  too. That’s a whole other blog. Hey, I need a hug!

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